Saying Goodbye to My Teeny Tiny Baby

I've been finding the last few weeks a bit more challenging, parenting wise. Not just because we have moved and I am in a new place, with no friends and a newborn to look after. But that's just it. My baby is no longer a newborn, and that's what I'm struggling with.

Having a baby has been a truly life changing experience, one that I wouldn't change for the world. It has honestly been the best thing I have ever done. Selfishly, because it has made me so happy. Not every moment has been magical. It hasn't all been sunshine and happy smiles, tummy kisses and cooing. It's bloody hard work and I swear, if I sing 'Row, row, row the boat' one more time I am going to lose my already fragile little mind. But up to now, I have (mostly) found it to be absolutely wonderful. I am in no way encouraging everyone to run into the streets and procreate. It is not for everyone. I have decided to take a brief hiatus from my usual sarcastic, inappropriate and foul-mouthed self and write a post that I fear will possibly descend into a mushy, emotional rant. You have been warned.

I write this feeling full of love and awe at my baby's continual development but it is also bittersweet as I find myself mourning the times we have spent during the 'newborn' phase. It all started weeks ago really, when I had to start packing away her newborn and 0-3 month clothes. I had a big lump in my throat and I wont lie, I shed a little tear (Ok, full on wailing). Perhaps I am still a hormonal mess, but I couldn't help feel sad that time is going by so quickly. I sat and stroked each baby grow as I put them into their plastic, vacuumed prison, and my heart felt heavy.

I don't necessarily want this to come across as woeful and pathetic, I'm just giving you an honest account. Every day my baby changes, and it really is wonderful seeing her grow and develop, having her own little personality that makes her so unique and special. In no way would I want her development to stop and I am proud of her in each new thing she does. If you follow my Instagram, you may have seen that I started (the minefield that is) weaning this week. This, as well as her being able to roll over has cemented my realisation that no, she isn't a newborn anymore. Now I am a rational person (a few may disagree) I know that she can't stay tiny forever, but believe it or not, it almost came as a complete shock when she didn't fit into 0-3 month clothes anymore. It was only when I remembered that she is actually 5 months old that I thought to open the 3-6 month baby grows! I am definitely guilty of squeezing her into a few outfits that she had outgrown for a few weeks longer than I should have. 

I don't want to go on and on about my own insanity, and I am sure I am not alone in feeling like this. I am writing this as maybe a cathartic exercise, so I can document how I have felt up to now and 'close the chapter' and move on. I have diligently filled in my baby book, and although it has space to write things in up to a year old, after 4 weeks it is just about documenting dates really. 'First solids, first Christmas' etc. There isn't much room for inane talk of feelings and wine-induced ramblings. And besides, I wouldn't want to put anything negative in there. Not that this is negative, exactly.

The last few weeks, as well as being wowed with her developments (honestly, the first time she rolled over, if you saw my reaction you would think that she had run a marathon. At 5 months old), I have also learned quickly that it's just going to get harder. I have to be more on the ball, more alert and basically a better parent. I can no longer leave her alone for any period of time whilst I do such trivial grown-up things like wash up, change my pants or go to the toilet. I now have to literally hover over her the majority the time. Long gone are the days of 3 hour naps, leisurely scrolling through Facebook, watching films 'on demand'. I was about to write 'I'm not complaining but...' and then I realised I am totally complaining. The thing they don't tell you in the books; sometimes being a parent (especially a stay at home one) is really dull. Whilst my baby was tiny, she slept so very much (I am fully aware I have been MEGA lucky and not all newborns sleep so much) and I had a fair amount of time to do the stuff I needed to do...sterilise bottles, washing, paint my nails etc but my time is increasingly being stolen by my ever-demanding infant. Sometimes I mind, sometimes I don't. I have been really lucky that up till now, my baby has been a dream. I'm not saying it to brag, I know how lucky I have been. And I haven't taken it for granted. It's a running joke that if we have a another baby, it will be devil spawn. The point is that now she is getting bigger and parenting is becoming more consuming and (yes I'll say it) sometimes feels like a chore, I will miss those sweet, sweet baby days. Every day is different. Some days I feel like I want to keep her up all night as she is so sweet and happy and a joy to be around. Other days, I can't wait for bedtime. Even then I know I am lucky because she sleeps through the night (barring last night when I could smell her nappy from downstairs!...) but occasionally I do yearn for the fleeting hours after her bedtime when I can have a bit of time to myself. 

These feelings absolutely nothing new. Nothing ground breaking here folks. Parents have been doing this, been here, done it, got several sick-stained t-shirts, they have been parenting since time began. I by no means think that I am any different. The difference is however that this is my first time doing this, so I can only talk about my experience as I find it. All the emotions I experience sneak up on me, sometimes when I am least expecting them and wash over me like a great wave. A wave I have to conquer, even though I didn't know that I was swimming. So when I started weeping over newborn clothes and that bloody Pampers advert (you know the one..."just because they miss you"...gets me every time! Well done Pampers!) it came as a surprise to me when I felt sad. I thought I would develop with my baby, my emotions would become more sophisticated and I would be able to just revel in each new phase. She is developing so much all the time, I think I just need a little extra time to catch up. I am making myself out to be a bit of a psycho. I am not depressed, or suffocating my child in size 1 nappies. I am doing what parents have done for years and just...reminiscing.

But to be a little more positive...

I'm not going to be a false preacher and say that every moment is wonderful, but I will say this; I genuinely find wonder in each day. Some days I have to look for it. But it is there. Even if it's a solitary smile during a day of tantrums and tears (mine, not hers!) even well-timed dribble (usually on Daddy's face) can have me in fits. I will miss my tiny baby. I know that I will never have that time again. Even if we do have another child, it wont be the same as I will have two little ones to devote myself to. It will have it's own merits, but I will not get this time back. I try to live conscientiously with this. I am definitely not perfect. I make mistakes all the time. But I will spend a minute or two each day thinking about how lucky I am to have a beautiful, inquisitive, healthy, sometimes screamy baby who makes me strive to be a better person, a better parent. However much I try to resist and cling to the past. Those gorgeous newborn days. Wine helps.

Obviously I know that some people have a massively different experience to me. Luckily, my baby only had a snifter of colic and has by and large been no bother. She is massively changing now and is far more let's say...vocal in her approach to communicating her displeasure at well, anything. The winds of change have blown and I will embrace them as best I can. I think because she has been such a 'good' newborn, my husband and I have been well and truly spoiled. So now, the slightest whinge and I think the world is ending and I can't cope and feel the inevitable guilt for swearing at my child because "I just want to do the fucking washing up" as I shouted at her today - Good parenting, right there.

I am so looking forward to the next stages. Like I said, every new thing is an Everest-climb to me. I will jump for joy, and celebrate my baby's accomplishments and milestones. I love her with every cell in my body and will continue to love her through every step, smile, tear and tooth. And I will always cherish the memories of her first months.

So for now, farewell my teeny tiny baby. Thank you for awakening a part of my soul I didn't know was there. 

Cute baby pic. Standard.

  

Thanks for reading.

Katie x

 Wash Your Faces!

Hello my lovelies. Today's post is about my current skincare routine, morning AND evening...Oh my. 

Stuff I put on my face.

Ok, so I admit I am a little bit in love with all things that you slather on ya mush. Creams, cleansers, toners, serums, oils and all that malarkey. You name it, I covet it. I haven't always been this way, my friends. Oh no. Back when I was a young, carefree, licentious little waif, I ran around without a care in the world for the juicy collagen and elastin that I was taking for granted and battering with alcohol every weekend. And lets face it, most weekdays. My skincare routine consisted of a healthy glob of 'Clean & Clear' in the morning followed by cheap moisturiser and I was good to go. There was no pm routine...I used makeup remover if I was compos mentis. That was it. But I was one of the lucky ones. I was never blighted with acne, or rosacea or eczema etc. Even as a walking bag of hormones during the teenage years, my skin was good to me (thanks, face).

I only really started paying attention to my skin when I started becoming interested in makeup. I quickly learned that you cannot go to bed every night with a face slathered in crap, and just a wing and a prayer without encountering problems. When you get up in the morning and leave your face on the pillow, you know things have to change. Sleeping in your makeup is an absolute no no. Spots, blackheads, dry patches and puffy bags will adorn your face like sad little reminders of all fun you had/tried to have the night before. Don't do it folks...let your face breathe. Even if you've (how do the kids say it?) 'hooked up', 'gotten jiggy', 'met a super cool cat down at the discotheque'...trust me, he/she would rather see a lovely clean, polished face than Panda-eyed Penelope. So what if they thought your skin was flawless and your eyelashes could cause Tsunamis?...shit will get real as soon as they smell your jaeger breath anyway. May as well have a clean face.

I know as busy people, some of you can think of nothing worse than spending 5-10 mins at the end of the day doing the flannel fandango. But for me, since really paying attention to my facial needs (haha), my little routine actually gives me great pleasure. Knowing that I'm doing something positive for my skin is good but the main thing is the products I have been using and how grand they make me feel. It's not as much of a faff as you may think. I don't care who you are...male/female/animal/vegetable...everybody loves a little facial. If you say you don't, you're lying. Simple. I'm not going to harp on about it. You can achieve the same feeling in your own bathroom if you use the correct products. I promise. Now, don't shout at me for using products over a fiver. In the good old days, I would have much rather bought a pint than a moisturiser but then I had an epiphony. YOU ONLY GET ONE FACE! Of course, if you have shit loads of cash and are that way inclined, you can change your face. But for the majority of us, our faces are for life. So be nice to them. If you would happily splash your cash on new shoes/clothes/KFC then don't have a whinge about affording skincare. There are plenty of affordable products on the market and there are plenty of eye-watering extortionate ones too. I think the products I use are somewhere in between. I am not a skin expert, nor do I claim to really know THAT much. I'm probably doing it all wrong anyway. But I try to do my research and use appropriate products. Here are some I am using at the moment.

AM...

The morning routine goes a little something like this.

The Body Shop Nutriganics Softening Cleansing Gel Oil

Asda Skinsystem Vitamin E Face Toner

The Body Shop Vitamin C Daily Moisturiser SPF30

The Body Shop Vitamin E Eye cream (minus the screw cap...oops)

Clean, tone, moisturise. That's it. 4 products. Sometimes I use eye drops if my eyes feel tired. But all that stuff above takes about 3 minutes. None of this "I don't have time for a skincare routine" balls. The Nutriganics is a really gentle cleanser, it smells nice and leaves your skin soft and supple. It has lasted me quite a while (and I use it as my pm second cleanse too...yeah that's right...second cleanse!) so it is well worth the money! I am umming and ahhing about the toner as it can feel a little harsh for my skin. However it was £1. ONE POUND. It is a perfectly decent toner. The 'Vitamin C' moisturiser is fine. I prefer the 'Vitamin E' moisturiser in the same range, both do the same thing really, I just prefer the smell of the Vit E. It's really important to put SPF on your face to protect yourself from the harsh rays of that big 'ole burning ball of fire in the sky. You can buy SPF separately too. And the eye cream is a little more delicate for the sensitive skin around your peepers. You may think it's a little costly at around £11 but you only need the tiniest amount so it lasts for ages.

PM...

This process is a little more involved. If you have a face full of makeup (ahhhh delicious makeup) then you need to take it off. And then clean your skin. A double cleanse is important because if you just take your makeup off, it's guaranteed there are still remnants of stubborn mascara and the like. You buy the good shit for longevity, so by default you need to buy good shit to take it off! I recommend a good oil cleanser for your first 'going over'. Cue this little bottle of amazingness...

Una Brennan Vitamin C+ Skin Renew Cleansing Oil

Followed by these...

Nutriganics Softening Cleansing Gel

Nivea 3 in 1 Micellar Water

Asda Skinsystem Vitamin E Face Toner

The Body Shop Vitamin E Overnight Serum-In-Oil

The Body Shop Drops Of Youth Bouncy Sleeping Mask

The Body Shop Vitamin E Eye cream

Phew. This may seem a bit excessive to you but seriously...it really doesn't take that long. And yes, it is all necessary. Some of the products I have already mentioned. The Una Brennan stuff...oooof. Now this stuff is what skincare wet dreams are made of. It goes on beautifully, is brilliant for facial massage (yes, it's a thing) and it smells so divine that I genuinely look forward to washing my face every night. It is around £10 but feels so much more expensive than that. A bloody bargain. The packaging is a bit crap, I would prefer a pump. But I can't really complain. Go buy it. Now. (No, this is not sponsored. I have serious lady-wood for it). The Micellar water is a simple, very affordable makeup remover. Sometimes I use it first. Even if I use it after my double cleanse, there is STILL evidence of makeup on the cotton wool. You would be surprised at how makeup lingers. Clinging onto your skin the way a toddler clings to your legs when you're desperate for the loo! The oil is nice, use sparingly to avoid feeling greasy. The overnight mask rehydrates your skin really well, It sinks into your skin overnight leaving you fresh faced, even if you don't feel it. It has the consitency of 'Flubber'...pretty cool. It's £22 but again, lasts for absolutely ages. I've had mine since Feb and am not even half way through. Pea sized glob of eye cream and you're good to go.

I'm not suggesting that you all run out and spend all your well earned pennies on this stuff. This is just the stuff I like to use. And I bought it over a period of time, not all in one go. It may take a while for you to find a skincare routine that suits you and your lifestyle. But it's so worth having a dedicated routine. The proof is in the pudding. As I said, I've never had problematic skin but since taking an interest in skincare, I really have seen a difference. I am 28...and using all this stuff has made me look at least...27!

No makeup! (just a sweep of mascara)

Obligatory selfie pout

I am not bragging. I don't have the best skin in the world by a long stretch. But the point of this was to tell you about the products I use. They work for me. They may not work for you. But once you find the right products for you, the dreaded routine can actually become something you enjoy.

Some other stuff I likes...

The Body Shop Sumptuous Camomile Cleansing Butter

Yes to Grapefruit brightening Facial Wipes

Nspa Hot Cloth Polish (A total dupe for the 'Liz Earle' cleanser I reviewed before, at half the price)

Seriously though, it's not about providing magic solutions to your tired skin (that your kids will be smearing their banana paste breakfast on anyway!), or about winding back the clock and looking youthful...embrace your age, own it and be proud of the skin you are in (easier said than done, I know) But at least bloody take care of it! You can have gorgeous skin, just wash your faces, bitches!

Thanks for reading! Let me know the products you love (or hate!)

Till next time, take care.

Katie x